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The Second of May in the Year of Our Lord, FIfteen Nineteen - Morning
Bon Jour my dearest companion who doth carry with thee my deepest desires, fantasies and secrets. I must confess that mine absence from thee hath been due to my own lack of commitment to thee. For that I do be deeply apologetic and do beg thy forgiveness for my negligence. It hath come to my attention numerous foul rumors surrounding my sister Anne concerning her time in France with Queen Claude. And I confess that I be the first to let loose my tongue in bestowing malversation regarding her character. However, it be most egregious the things I am hearing. It be one matter regarding tales of our childhood (which for all intents and purposes was quite a happy time in our lives), but when the issue arises and my sister becomes the target of heresy and blasphemous rumors, I must interject, no matter how much it pains me to defend her in this regard. These accusations strike at the heart of our religious conviction and mayhap prove to be dangerous to her person. I be in the know and feel it be my familiar duty to bring forth the truth (however sickening it may be to MY person). I shouldst first like to address the recent rumors that Anne doth possess an extra appendage; a sixth finger upon her left hand. Nothing be further from the truth!! I dare say that the source of the rumors be unwittingly and unintentionally held by one man, Jean-Michelle. Queen Claude's pastry chef must needs commending for his heavenly creations and not least the most delicious "lady fingers" which he hath named in honor of my sister. I do confess a twinge of jealously for I hath never had a pastry named in honor of myself. It seems that Anne one evening did imbibe to excess a bit of peach brandy in her tea and did place her hand in a plate of this warm sticky confection whereupon it did stick to the side of her hand. Rumor and innuendo be fueled by the jealousy of others and in this case, her own remark that she did possess a sixth appendage made in her intoxication hath been misconstrued and maliciously spread throughout the country. I do hope that I may in some assist in quelling this particular injustice. There also be a second item to address regarding another malformity of Anne's and it saddens me to admit that poor Jean-Michelle seems to responsible for it as well. Being a man of infinite creation, he didst create for Queen Claude's Ladies in Waiting (regrettably after I had taken my leave of her to return to England) yet another delicious desert of a lump of fried dough dusted with sugar and then filled with a rich creamy sauce of chocolate (chocolate being the latest confectionary craze sweeping Europe). And again, after partaking a bit much in the peach brandy she is so fond of, Anne did lay back on her rich pallet of silken pillows and blankets with one of these sinful creations and upon bringing it to her lips, a dollop of chocolate sauce did fall out onto her neck. In the Ladies' state of intoxication one of them (I did hear it were that loathsome cow Mathilda of Burgundy) made comment that Anne did have a rather large and protruding mole upon her neck. Again I must come to the defense of Anne. She NAY possesses a mole upon her neck. And again I confess a twinge of jealousy at the gracefulness of her neck. It be beautiful, little and elongated, a very desirable mark of beauty and one that any man would find irresistible (and Anne doth use this trait to her advantage and often - it shall be her downfall one day). Were either of these deformities actually present on her body she would not be able to ascend to the levels of the court that she hath. What be the most disturbing aspect of these insidious comments is the context in which some of her enemies are using them. I hath heard it said that any woman in possession of such unattractive deformities must be in the service of the dark angel, Satan himself and I hath heard whispering of witchcraft. I pledge that I shall do everything in my power to suppress these slanderings as they not only affect Anne but the honor of our entire family. I couldst not abide the dishonoring of our family name. I now take my leave of thee for the time being dearest one. Au revoir Marie |
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